Remember that Prince song, 'Gett Off', where he sort-of raps:
“Get off / 23 positions in a one-night stand / Get off / Only call you after if you say I can”
That should pretty much be your thinking when it comes to trying a one night stand.
In fact, as men, there are a lot of lessons about one-night stands we can take from Prince’s lyrics. No surprises there, maybe - The Purple One, apart from being a musical genius beloved by fans, critics and other musos alike, was a prodigious shagger who bedded everyone from models and athletes to Kim Basinger. So he's got to have something worthwhile to say on the subject.
The Teachings of Prince Rodgers Nelson
To be honest, this Gentleman’s Guide to a One-Night Stand could easily have been Prince’s Guide to a One-Night Stand. In a career spanning five decades, through his lyrics, this gentleman's gentleman doled out advice on everything from one-night stand hospitality - “So here we are, here we are / In my paisley crib / Whatcha want to eat?” ('Gett Off') - to establishing enthusiastic consent from your partner - “I didn’t wanna pressure you, baby / But all I ever wanted to do” (‘I Wanna Be Your Lover’) - and even the line of reasoning he tried out to convince an old girlfriend, now in a lesbian relationship, to give him another chance in the sack - “All your lovers, they look just like you / But they can only do the things that you do” (‘Bambi’).
We’re not advocating chancing your arm with gay women, by the way. It’s hard to say, but even if you were Prince himself, doing so while in possession of a Y chromosome is a tall order.
"Eligible bachelor seeks..."
It’s reported in a 1993 issue of the Toledo Blade newspaper that “U.S. and overseas newspapers” ran adverts, in December of that year, announcing that a certain "Eligible bachelor seeks the most beautiful girl in the world to spend the holidays with.” Applicants aged over 18 were asked to send videos or photos to - you guessed it - Paisley Park, Minneapolis.
This might seem like overkill when all you're looking for is a one-night stand - but the lesson we can learn from this is: don’t be shy, and don't be vague. There was a specific ask here - "to spend the holidays with" - and a target audience - "the most beautiful girl in the world". He focused his efforts and probably, let's face it, got what he wanted - because he knew what to ask for.
So if you see someone in a bar or online, the next time you want to approach them and chat them up with the intention of getting them into your bed, don't waste too much time before getting to the ask - after all, if they're not clear about what you want, you won't get it!
Variety - the spice of life
"I may not be your kind of man / I may not be your style / But honey all I wanna do / Is just love you for a little while"
- 'Dirty Mind'
Prince knew the value of mixing it up, when it comes to the sort of women he spent his nights with. After all, the world's only so big. Try flirting with and sleeping with as many different women and as many different kinds of women as you like - that's what being single is for!
“I felt a little ill / When I saw all the pictures / Of the jockeys that were there before me…”
- ‘Little Red Corvette’
OK, so this especially applies if this is your first one-night stand. Or perhaps the babe that you've convinced to come back to yours for a wild time is a little above your normal category - an 8 or 9, instead of the solid 7s you've been scoring. In any case, know this: even Prince suffered from performance anxiety. On balance of probability, it's going to happen - in a sexual career that probably reached a score in the thousands by the time he left us for the mothership. You've got to be able to bounce back from it - laugh it off, change it up, and try again.
And that's it. Have you noticed any Prince lyrics that offer useful advice for lovers? Let us know in the comments!