Common fuck buddy mistakes to avoid include getting too close to your fuck buddy, but also keeping your fuck buddy too distant. Common mistakes to do with fuck buddy dating can be telling your fuck buddy too much about yourself, letting them too far into your life. Maybe not vetting your fuck buddy correctly or thoroughly, if they came from an online adult dating website, or an app. Perhaps your fuck buddy has a past that you'd rather know about - or that you'd rather not know about, and you wish you hadn't asked in the first place.
Before you embark on a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with someone, it's worth sitting down for a hard think about what you want to get out of it. This might seem boring, and like work
- Avoid having no exit plan
If you are going into a fuck buddy dating situation with an idea of when you'll call it a day, this one should be no problem. "I'll put a stop to this if I don't enjoy the sex", or "I'l stop seeing them if I start to neglect my other relationships" - these are all useful and reasonable limits to put on your fuck buddy relationship. A note - don't tell them, of course. These are secret limits, just for you, in your head. Once a line has been crossed, though, you need to stick to what you told yourself you'd do and end it. If you fuck buddy is endangering your 'real life', and you need to end things and don't know how, you're in a tricky situation. This is meant to be fun! So remember: fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Know what you're going to say to your fuck buddy when the time comes to end things - and it's likely that you will end things, rather than ending up falling in love with them and getting married - and you'll always have an idea of what you should do if things go sour.
- Avoid letting your fuck buddy into your life too much
Another thing to avoid is letting your fuck buddy get inside your head, and into your life. This might mean putting strict conditions on when and where you can meet each other, or conditions that say no money must ever change hands - if you're rich, and your fuck buddy is poor (or vice versa), one of you might be tempted to ask the other for a loan, just a few quid until payday. Avoid this at all costs. Owing money or favours to other people imbalances a relationship. The same thing might go for letting your fuck buddy know too much about you. Of course, we advocate always finding a fuck buddy you can trust - whom you can have an open and honest adult relationship with - but if this turns out not to be the case, it's a good idea not to have exposed yourself too much.
- Avoid setting expectations that you can't later fulfil
Don't make your fuck buddy promises you can't keep! If you want to keep a mistress, and can afford it, good for you - go ahead. If, however, you're promising elaborate scenarios and spending to your secret lover, all the while knowing it's a sham, you're acting like a dog and you're going to get caught out sooner or later. Be honest with your fuck buddy. After all, you're both just in it for sex, fun and companionship - not to get rich quick!
- Make sure your fuck buddy knows the rules
This is a tricky one. If you want to keep your relationship with your fuck buddy strictly physical, you're going to have to be clear with him or her from the very beginning. It's hard to convert a girlfriend or boyfriend into a fuck buddy later on (unless they're your ex, the one case in which an interpersonal relationship lends itself perfectly to a fuck buddy relationship).
- Avoid getting caught, if your fuck buddy is a secret
A no-brainer. Are you married? Straight? If your fuck buddy needs to stay secret from the people in your life, take care and limit your exposure. Your clandestine lover can't turn up at your work if they don't know where you work; can't contact you on Facebook if they don't know your real full name, and can't extort you if they don't know your address or phone number. You might even consider getting a burner phone so that your messages can't be read.
- Avoid falling in love with your fuck buddy
You'll probably want to avoid getting too close with your fuck buddy - strictly physical, remember - and for your fuck buddy developing romantic feelings for you. If it seems like this is happening, check in with your lover. Don't dump them unceremoniously off the bat! That's jerk behaviour. But find out what they're feeling. Maybe both of you want to convert the relationship to something more. Maybe both of you want to break it off. The only way you'll know is to ask - and if you don't ask, you'll be labouring under the weight of the uncertainty.
- Avoid unsafe sex
It almost goes without saying at this point, but we like to end every post on no-string-attached dating and fucking this way: always practice safe sex. Wrap it up. Get checked regularly. Nothing is a bigger giveaway of a secret fuck buddy hookup than a nasty, itchy surprise.
