Today’s blogpost title is “Fuck Buddy Dating Explained”, which seems like a weird one - I know, right? 'Fuck buddy dating' sounds like an oxymoron - surely if they're your fuck buddy, you don't need to date them? Isn't that the point? Aren't they happy with you lashing it into them every once in a while, and we'll leave it at that?
Well, sadly no. Interpersonal relationships are a tangled, intricate web of gives and takes, of understandings, exchanges, information and secrets. Your relationship with your fuck buddy is a relationship like any other; like the one you have with that colleague with whom it is understood you share a cigarette break every morning, although neither of you ever talk to each other, to the person whose eye you always catch on the bus home.
OK, so you found a fuck buddy. Good for you. Maybe you picked them up on a dating site, or an app. Maybe you met them in person, in a cafe, and you understood that something passed between you.
It is highly recommended that you keep your fuck buddy happy. There are several ways to do this.
The first thing to know about fuck buddy dating is that it's different from 'normal' dating. Mainly, it's casual, and geared towards sex. You know the way 'normal' dating works, where two people meet, and one calls or texts the other to ask them out on a date? The date is quite formal, maybe dinner, maybe a film, and then they go for a cocktail, and they might not even screw until the third or fourth date? Well, fuck buddy dating's not like that. Fuck buddy dating is seeing each other, seeing multiple people if you like, on the understanding that you're there for one thing: to hook up.
As you might have guessed, there's not the same emphasis in fuck buddy dating on exclusivity. It's worth discussing with your fuck buddy, however, if only from a safety aspect - if your fuck buddy is sleeping with three other people, and you decide to engage in unprotected sexual activity*, then you're aware of the risk you're taking - and, if the situations are reversed, vice versa.
However, just because this is a no-strings-attached hookup arrangement doesn't mean that you have to treat him or her like a jerk. The best sex is between people who like and understand each other! So treat you fuck buddy with courtesy, respect, and patience.
Establish your boundaries, and then stick to them. If your fuck buddy says *no gifts*, don't bring him or her anything. If they don't, why don't you offer to order takeout, or bring them coffee, or a book - it's not outside the realm of possibility that you might want to!
If you choose to set boundaries, limits or expectations with your fuck buddy pal - and don't feel like you can't because it's a casual relationship! - then observe them. Check in with your fuck buddy lightly and often - make it a regular part of your relationship. (Yes, I know I'm using the R-word, but it's a relationship, no matter how casual it is. Even the relationship you have with your post carrier is a relationship.) This can help avoid big, heavy conversations down the line. Like paying your bills by Direct Debit.
Talking in general is recommended. Talk about your likes and dislikes, your desires and needs. Only by communicating are you and your fuck buddy going to get on a level of understanding. It's when you understand each other that the most satisfying, special, intimate affairs can take place.
Finally, make sure you fuck your buddy right! All of the above positive communication, respect and etiquette skills can help you in this department, but there are a few other prerequisites that must be observed if good, satisfying, consensual adult sex is going to be had with your fuck buddy:
- DO be confident in your body and your prowess
- DO try to accommodate your fuck buddy
- DO NOT be selfish
- DO NOT be drunk
- DO be clean and groomed
- DO be game to try anything (within reason)
Having a fuck buddy, or several fuck buddies, can be one of the most satisfying arrangements of your sexual life, and a period of time you will look back on fondly, if you do it right and avoid some common fuck buddy mistakes. Treat your fuck buddy right, no matter who they are, and you'll have so much pussy and/or dick, you won't know what to do with it.
*of course, we always advocate practicing safe sex.